A Guilty Conscience (PG) - Charmed

[tommygirl]

Title: A Guilty Conscience
Fandom: Charmed
Written For: Fanfic100 Prompt # 1 – beginnings - fanfic100
A/N: beta'd by tinylegacies

A Guilty Conscience

In the beginning, Chris was able to convince himself that Wyatt wasn’t really bad. He would sit with his grandfather, or listen to his father make up excuses, and allow himself to believe that Wyatt was simply rebelling and dealing with his own emotions. It became a mantra to him at times. Faced with doubt? Strange behavior on Wyatt’s part? Wyatt wasn’t bad, he was rebelling. He was trying to get by and make due with all the crap that bogged down their lives.

Chris could understand that. He had never experimented with darker magic, too afraid of what it would mean or how disappointed his family would be, but he suspected that it could fill a void somehow. Otherwise, why would so many people turn to evil?

Sitting in his old room with the baby version of his big brother, Chris couldn’t help but wonder exactly when the change had happened in Wyatt. It didn’t matter though, because deep down, Chris knew it was his fault.

“Chris? Where are you?”

At the sound of his mother's voice, Chris put down the truck he was holding and patted little Wyatt’s head. He said, “Duty calls, kid. You’re gonna have to continue building the town without me.”

Chris rolled his eyes when he noticed Wyatt smirk and move the truck along the floor. Even as a toddler, his brother was full of himself – that figured. Chris stood up and called out, “I’m in the nursery.”

Piper appeared and stared at him. Studied him was more accurate, as Chris felt like he was nothing more than an x-ray under his mother’s scrutiny. She had this habit of looking at him like that a lot lately, ever since his Aunts dropped the big bombshell about her being pregnant with mini-Chris.

Chris shifted his gaze to the floor, easier to avoid the inquisition that way, and asked, “What’s up?”

“Haven’t you heard me calling you for the last ten minutes?”

Chris shook his head and said, “Sorry, the little guy and I were caught up in designing a better world.” He looked up, caught his mother smiling at him and asked, “Demon attack? A lead on who turns Wyatt?”

“No, nothing like that,” she replied. She motioned for him to follow her, but when he didn’t move, she sighed, “For God’s sake, Chris. I’m your mother. I think it’s safe to follow me.”

Chris glanced down at where little Wyatt was playing and muttered, “Oh right. Like I’ll fall for that after growing up in this house.”

Piper’s hands moved to her hips and she said, “Your aunts and I ordered some dinner. You do have to eat every now and then.”

“I’m not really-”

“Did I mention the part where you get no say in this?”

Chris stepped out into the hallway and met his mother’s gaze. Sometimes she made it so hard for him to stick with his plan, to stay focused. He wanted to relax and talk to her and hear her laugh whenever he could...but that wasn’t why he was here. He shook his head and said, “It’s not...I can’t...” He frowned when he noticed her amused expression. He flailed his arms around and said, “What good does it do? We can’t really talk about much. And I see the look in your eyes whenever I mention the future I come from! I didn’t come back here to hurt anyone.”

Piper stepped closer and placed her hand on Chris’ arm. She said, “Hearing that your son is the root of all evil isn’t easy, but it’s not your doing. Because of you, we’ll be able to stop it.”

“Mom, it’s just easier...”

“Easier for whom? And don’t even start with the whole ‘future consequences’ spiel or how you’re too busy to have one dinner with your family. I’m pregnant and you don’t want me going hormonal on you.”

“Hormonal on me?” Chris looked upward for guidance and mumbled, “I gotta get out of here. It’s too...”

“Weird. You’re telling me. I’m having a conversation with my adult son and if this stubborn thing is any sign of the next twenty years, you’re going to drive me insane.” She smiled after she finished and he knew that she wasn’t too upset about the prospect of the whole thing. She pointed at him and said, “You turn me grey, don’t you?”

Chris tried to suppress a smile and shrugged. He answered, “I think it’s actually when Wyatt tells me that we’re playing mountain climbers and orbs us to the top of Mount Everest.”

“He does WHAT?”

Chris shook his head and said, “Sorry mom, I can’t say anymore. Future consequences.”

“Chris, please tell me that’s a joke.”

“So what’s for dinner?” Chris asked. He headed down the stairs and pretended not to hear his mother calling after him.

She stopped him in the downstairs hallway and said, “You’re not alone, Chris. Okay? Talk about the future, don’t talk about the future, I don’t care. As long as you know that I’m here for you.”

“Mom...” he managed before his voice gave out on him. There were things he wanted to tell her, real things that mattered, but he couldn’t. Not only because of future consequences and the chance of messing up the future worse than it already was, but because there were things about him she would never approve of. Things she wouldn’t like.

His mother would never forgive him if she knew that Chris was responsible for all the horrors of his future, that a better brother would’ve known what was going on with Wyatt. And who was he kidding? He knew. He should’ve pushed the topic with his grandfather or he should’ve told on Wyatt after some of the things he witnessed.

Chris never did. Chris simply believed that Wyatt would eventually figure things out and, until then, Chris would have his brother’s back. After all, that was what the people in his family did.

But his denial had cost so many people so much.

“Chris? Sweetie, are you okay?” Piper asks.

“I don’t belong here. This isn’t a vacation, Piper. This is too big, too important, for me to get caught up in family stuff.” When she didn’t say anything, Chris turned to walk away, but his mother reached out and pulled him against her.

Her hands ran through his hair and she rubbed his back soothingly. He missed this. So much. She pulled away after a few seconds and said, “You push yourself too hard sometimes. You take the world on your shoulders. And it makes me so proud of you, but it scares me too. I want more for you, Chris. I want you to have some happiness in your life. Otherwise, what the hell are we fighting for?”

“It’s my fault.”

“What?”

“It's my fault. I knew Wyatt was changing, that he would do these horrible things, but he promised me that it was for a good reason and then he promised me that he would stop. He just got worse and worse, and...it was my fault,” Chris said in a rush of words. He saw the neutral expression on his mother’s face and shut his eyes against all the pain he felt. This was why he didn’t want anyone to know who he was. It would’ve been so much easier to ignore...

“Chris, look at me.”

“I’m gonna head back to P3 and—”

“—Chris, you’re going to talk to me, okay?”

“I can’t. You know way too much already.”

“This isn’t about the future. It’s about you,” Piper replied. She said, “I’ve finally figured it out.”

“Huh?”

“Who you remind me of – it’s been driving me crazy the past few weeks,” she said. She moved over to the small table and picked up a picture. She handed it to him and said, “You’re so much like Prue, you even have the guilt complex down to a pat.”

“I’m not sure—”

“We grew up without our parents around a lot,” she paused when he sighed and continued, “I’m not asking whether that’s the case for you and Wyatt, I’m talking about Prue. She felt like it was her job to take care of me and Phoebe no matter what. Anything that happened was her responsibility, and sometimes it used to really piss me off.”

Of all the things he expected to hear his mother say about his Aunt Prue, that was not it. “Mom?”

“In a way, it was like any decisions that I made weren’t my own. It wasn’t me making a mistake, it was something Prue did wrong. And it was never about Prue. Everyone has to choose his or her own path, Chris. That’s just the way it is. Carrying all this guilt around won’t fix things.”

“I know that.”

“Good. Start acting like it and come eat dinner with us. We are experiencing an odd, demon-free evening and I’d like to enjoy it.”

Chris knew words, even from his mother, wouldn’t make the pain or guilt go away. Things didn’t work like that in real life, but he felt relieved knowing that she didn’t blame him. The rest he would deal with eventually. In the meantime, a few more happy memories of his mother couldn’t hurt anyone. He hugged her and said, “I love you, mom.”

{Fin}