Here I Am

Dear All My Children,

Please make Annie go away. I hate her. Oh, I hate her in a way I haven't hated a soap character since Livvie on Port Charles. And at least Livvie was interesting. Annie is just dull and annoying.

No love,

Tommygirl

**

I just watched the pilot of Fringe. You know, I didn't think I could love Josh Jackson more than I do as Pacey, but his character on this is just hot, sarcastic, and a genius! And did I mention hot? With the scruff and awesomeness?

The pilot was a bit freaky at parts. The beginning was a little slow, but once it got going it was really interesting. Though JJ really does love to make his lead female characters suffer, doesn't he?

**

I wonder if I've broken my no-writing spell with the little Iron Man ficlet. I hardly claim brilliance, but just being able to string together a few sentences is a miracle. I really hope it continues.

Why must work and life be so crazy at the same time that I'm struggling with my writing? I've gone through two drafts of my bubbleficathon (which was due over a week ago and I'm not usually this late and I feel so bad) and it's utter crap. I refuse to give someone a crappy story, especially a late, crappy story. And I know most of it is probably all my own machinations. I'm overthinking and over-editing until I just want to scream and/or delete what I have.

::deep, calming breathes::

Oh, I shall beat this story into submission with a shot gun of rock salt if I have to.

**

Because of said troubles above, I'm almost positive that I will not be finished a draft in time for SPN Big Bang. Getting pneumonia/work insanity/writing woes just don't aid the telling of a 20,000 word story. That said...I still do want to write the WIANSB episode of SPN from Sam's perspective, so that will get done at some point.

**

Onto good news...I had a follow up appointment with the doctor today and my lungs are finally clear! My pneumonia is gone! I have to wait another few weeks before I'm allowed to exercise and such, but after the relapse and stress of the whole situation, it's nice to know I'm on the road to recovery.

**

I'm behind on friends list and I apologize, but seriously, no free time at the moment. I'm not ignoring y'all. I'm hoping to spend a chunk of my weekend playing around onlline. I miss fandom fun. ::Huggles y'all:: But for now, I'm sleepy, so I shall go watch the results of AI and then sleep.

I just watched two episodes of Iconoclasts on the Sundance Channel. I've seen them before as they're repeating seasons one, two, and three, but I adore watching it in the same way I like Inside the Actor's Studio. I find it so interesting to see two different public figures interacting. And it's fascinating to see these people's relationships with one another. Like the ones I watched this evening were Renee Zellweger & Christiane Amanpour, which was great, and Mario Batali & Michael Stipe, which was so awesome.

I like some REM music, but I'm not a huge fan, and despite my mother and sister's obsession with the Food Network, I know next to nothing about Mario Betali. That said, this was such a great episode. I walked away with a new appreciation for Michael Stipe.

Definitely recommend this show.

**

Today was a day of many errands and I have no idea where the day went. I'm having lunch with a friend tomorrow and then I'm hoping that I can just relax for the remainder of the day. How do weekends go so fast? I need some time to write. I need some ideas to write too.

I haven't even started my Supernatural Big Bang story. I know what I'm doing and I have a feeling that once I get into the story, it will flow...but the due date for the first draft is fast approaching and I would like to make the deadline.

First up though, I have to finish my bubbleficathon and femme ficathon pieces.

**

I see livejournal is at it again. And that would be why I bought the permanent account here after the first round of huge issues. Because I have a lot of paid time on my lj account from gifts from people and myself from awhile ago, but once it runs out, I don't think I'll be giving them any more money. And I'm not sure what will happen to mine, if I'll have the option of basic or be forced into evil plus accounts.

Anyway, now I'm off to find some season seven American Idol icons, specifically Jason Castro.

I don't mean to neglect this journal. I really enjoy Insanejournal, but I'm completely terrible with doing the duplicate entries and I don't always have access to the program for it anyway. And then there's the fact that work has been kicking my butt the past month.

**

When do we get some new Supernatural? I know with the writer's strike there aren't a lot left, but I need some Dean and Sam Winchester. I'm obsessed. I accept this. I think about those boys a whole lot more than will ever be deemed healthy, but I'm okay with it. And I need my fix.

**

Writing this month has not been happening. I want to entirely blame work and the fact that I'm exhausted when I get home, but I'm also feeling drained and uncreative. I want to write some Alice/Jasper from Twilight. I have a table of prompts to do for them, so I really should try it. I want to write some Ellie/Captain Awesome from Chuck because they are adorable. And then, like the crazy person I am, I signed up to do Supernatural Big Bang.

My reasoning seemed sound at the time. Back when I started with fanfiction, I used to write longer type pieces all the time. It was all I really did and then I got out of that practice...I'm still wordy as hell, but not quite in the way I used to be able to come up with ideas, plan, and write. SO I wanted to make sure that I could still do it.

Except now I'm panicking and it's not even officially underway. Go me?

Anyway, feel free to hit me with prompts of any fandoms that I know and I'll try to do them. I'm not making any promises, but I need to do something to get my writing brain moving again. So prompts! Please!

More coherent reviews of my shows will come tomorrow. In the meantime, regarding heroes ( MAJOR SPOILERS!!! )

**

I have an idea for my undermistletoe story! Woo-hoo! I was beginning to panic as it's due on December 10th. And then today I wrote more in my Dean as a Whitelighter world. why am I always working on things that aren't due in the near future? what's wrong with my brain?

Today has been spent watching lots of movies. I even pulled out my copy of Man in the Moon (Reese Witherspoon one, not Jim Carey), which made the boy roll his eyes and mutter something about having been forced to watch this fifty or so times before.

I have all these ideas in my head for things to write, but I can't seem to focus on any one in particular. And maybe I should just put all my energy into finally finishing up Winchester Meets Halliwell before ladybug218 goes and has another birthday on me (she's already accepted the likelihood of this outcome).

I start to read fic because I have a ton bookmarked, but then I feel guilty because I should be writing and my brain has bunnies 'o doom. But gah.

It's a vicious circle. And when I try to explain it to family and the boy, they think I'm just crazy. Which is possible.

Anyway, have watched:

- Sicko - I really think that everyone in the United States should see this movie. I don't care what you think of Michael Moore or his beliefs, but health care is a very real problem. And these people who lost everything were regular, hardworking Americans, who got sick and couldn't afford care. And then you see in contrast how other countries get it right. And this is why I have a Canadian wifey on the side in larah33.

- To Die in Jerusalem - I tivo'd this on HBO and it's a documentary about a Palestinian suicide bomber who killed a teenage girl in a supermarket. It was very interesting and upsetting and it's sad that at the end, when the two mothers are talking, they just can't understand where the other is coming from. You have the Palestinian mother who can't denounce what her daughter did, even if it wasn't something she wanted, because they live in oppression and they must resist that. And then you have the Isreali mother who just wants the violence to stop so that other mothers don't lose their children for nothing.

- American Dreamz - This movie made me laugh. Obvious satire of the current administration and the way America makes certain things so very important that really don't matter. Now I just keep saying, "You've been Omarized!"

- Man in the Moon - I love this movie. I never tire of this movie.

**

I really am grateful to the friends that I have on livejournal and to the fortunate experience I've been able to cultivate for myself. I will never understand the love of wank and drama. Life is enough of a hassle for me most days. This is where I come to escape. So thank you to you guys for being lovely and wonderful and rather drama-free folks.

Thanks to the Supernatural friending meme hosted by wendy, I have a few new friends! I always love having new friends to chat with, especially if it involves Dean and Sam Winchester. I love those boys a whole lot. I love gen, het, wincest...I really love the schmoop because I find that the show gives me plenty of angst as it is, but if it's written well, I'll probably read it. Then cry and need to go read happy, schmoopy Sam & Dean forever fic!

**

Dean Winchester is making finishing this story very hard. He's being stubborn and overprotective and annoying everyone, especially me. Le sigh. I have made a promise to myself that I wouldn't read any fic until I finished this story...at this rate I might never have new recs for polyfandomrecs.

**

Yay for three-day weekends where I have no big plans outside of watching my Heroes and Friday Night Lights dvds. Well, writing goes without saying. I hope anyway.

My spncross story is now at nine pages and nowhere near ending yet. What is it about me that makes short stories near impossible? Why must I have grandiose ideas? I'm a procrastinator. Being a procrastinator and long-winded are not a good combination, my friends. Because it leads to stories that are late and nine pages long already without being done.

**

Thanks to gwentastic I have a Pownce account now. You can find me on it here. Also, I have some invites, so if you want one, first come, first serve - just leave me the email to send the invite to in the comments.

ETA: Four Three Two invites still left!

**

I feel so cut off from fandom at the moment. I think it's because between being without electricity for hours on end for various days, then getting sick, and then life being insane...I just haven't really been around for long enough periods to enjoy anything fandom. And I miss it. But the few free minutes I've had lately, I haven't been intersted in reading fanfiction, writing or reccing and end up just reading a book and/or watching some history channel. There's no reason for it, really. I'm not purposefully taking a hiatus or annoyed with things...it's just a case of the blahs. Is there such a thing as fannish ennui?

I'm hoping this will pass soon. I like doing fannish things. It's fun for me usually and I'm hoping it gets fun again.

**

Today is my last day of work for a week! Vacation! I feel it would be completely wrong to work on my birthday, even though I really have nothing to do next Tuesday...so I added a day to my vacation and won't be back until next Wednesday.

Now, do I try to finish the neverending spncross story? Or do I catch up on the friends list before I'm too far behind?

I have a few ideas for some Dean Winchester fic based on my 30_somethings chart, so I should probably get on that. Along with many other things. I can't figure out what my problem is lately. I'm behind on reading, reccing, and writing fannishly. It's like my brain has simply shut down.

And yet, I want to sign up for 30_kisses. Well, sorta. I don't think I'd be good at doing the table for one pairing/character. I'd want to just do the table of kisses, but for various pairings/fandoms. I wonder if I could email the moderator and see if I could just use her prompt table unofficially. Hhhmmm...

Oh, I need to be more productive.

So the stupid electricity went out again. It didn't come back on until 6:30 this evening. So guess what I did with most of my day? Napped. Though is it considered a nap when it lasts for five hours? I'm not sure.

I did get a handwritten page of the my story written. Stupid weather. I'm just...my days of handwriting stories seems to have passed - I'm much better writing on the computer, probably because I can type faster and keep up with my thoughts a bit better.

On the brightside, the overwhelming sinus pain abated a bit, so I can actually lift my head without wanting to stab out my eyes.

**

Y'all need to go read Broke Your Throne by vinylroad. It's possessed Jo and lots of dirty talk to John. And it's just AWESOME and twisted and he calls her "darlin'" and really...go read it. Because she blames me for it and she's sensitive to the fact that I called her Sam/OFC "stupid" in order to get her to write this. Hee.

And quite frankly, I think this is fair as she is making me write her Dean/Jess sneaking around on Sam.

**

Shark week has started on the discovery channel. Is it normal to be excited about this sort of thing? I'm such a loser.

Where is the Dean wrangles shark fic?