my entry for the 2007 Feedback Challenge
Apr. 24th, 2007 12:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tommygirlI'm the worst co-mod of anything ever. I totally spaced on The Feedback Challenge. I apologize for my lateness and am once again grateful for the challenge because I discovered a new author I had never read before, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dancinbutterfly.
1) Big Shoulders - Studio 60, Matt/Danny
Overall this was a great story. It was set up nicely, flowing easily from start to end.
I highly enjoyed the look at the history of Matt and Danny’s friendship. How they met and moved on to projects together, always as a team, and how that in the end, that was how they had to deal with Danny’s addiction, as a team. I loved that Matt was willing to walk away from his best friend, the person he counted on most to rescue him, in order to save Danny from himself in the long run and that when that didn’t work, he did what had to be done. It suits the character well. Matt always comes across as quite laid back for the most part, but he also would do anything for the people he loves.
I also loved the Matt voice in this story and the emotion that the reader watches him go through as he tries his hardest to get Danny better.
His mind took some very selfish and morbid directions while he waited to hear if his best friend was ever going to wake up from the overdose he’d worked himself into. He wondered if he’d stop being able to be funny if he had to go in and hear the good doctors tell him that Danny was dead. He wondered if he’d get to keep some of Danny’s stuff or if his mom would come and box everything up and take it all away so it would be like Danny had never even existed in his life.
This just seems so perfectly Matt. That he worries about these things and then feels guilty about worrying about them and it’s a vicious cycle.
Seriously, enjoyed the Matt voice here, especially the tangents with why he wanted to talk to Danny and the ways he learned firsthand about the court system. It just fit him perfectly.
A few areas to work on:
-The Matt/Danny more than friendship thing seems to come out of the blue. While I’m all for it because, hotness, and when it does appear, it seems natural, I think a little bit of Matt dealing with those emotions somewhere earlier in the fic would have added a little resonance to it.
It was all horribly cliché, a little too When Harry Met Sally, for them to be kissing in the first moments of the new year, Matt’s arms wrapped tight around Danny’s big shoulders with Auld Lang Syne in the background. But as they tripped backwards onto the couch, Danny looking and feeling healthier than he had all last year, Matt decided that he could live with a cliché or two.
While I understand at this point, it was probably about wrapping the story up, there is something to be said for showing the reader, rather than telling us. It would’ve only taken a little bit more and would’ve been much more fulfilling if we saw this play out rather than just read it all lumped up together.
-And finally, and this is probably just me, I personally find it really hard to read stories on a background like this one of black with blue writing. I had to highlight the whole thing to read it properly. Normally, this might keep me from even bothering with a story.
That said. I really enjoyed this story and I’m glad to have stumbled upon it.
2) PDA - The O.C., Seth/Ryan
While I love the schmoop a whole lot, I was a bit wary of this story when it started. Mostly because I have a lot of trouble believing that Ryan is a PDA sort of person, but I quickly managed to get over that because it’s just so wonderful and fluffy. And funny.
“Son, of course I still love you.” Sandy said sharply, looking horrified that Seth would even dare to dream that his love wasn't unconditional. “I will always love you. You could become a transsexual republican Muslim woman and I’d still love you. I’d be confused by the republican thing but that’s your choice. Just like this is your choice.” Sandy sighed and Ryan held his breath. “Do you boys know what you’re doing?”
My co-workers may have looked at me like I had grown another head when I started giggling at this part. I just love the Sandy voice here. It’s so great. I love the look he shoots Seth too because I believe that Sandy would honestly think he’d done something wrong if Seth ever worried about their relationship.
I also loved this part: Ryan brought up their joined hands and pressed his lips against Seth’s before speaking. “You think I’d come out to your mom if I didn’t love you?”
This makes it much easier for me to buy the whole PDA thing. Just that one line of dialogue. Because it’s so true of Ryan. He wouldn’t have just done something like this, especially not with Seth of all people, if he wasn’t sure of his own feelings.
And I can’t say I don’t love Seth’s surprise, even though I think he truly does know.
The only real issue I have with this story is that it could’ve used someone who could do a line-by-line beta. There are some typos and tense shifts that took me out of the moment a few times and they are simple things that would probably be caught with some help.
Overall, it was nothing too jarring and I’m really all about the Seth/Ryan fluff, so I was still able to enjoy this story.
3) Prom Night - The O.C., Seth/Ryan
This was so cute and fluffy. I loved it. And I loved Ryan acting on impulse and then Seth questioning him. My only complaint is that it ended right when things were getting interesting.
4) Broken Pieces - Veronica Mars, Dick/Logan
This is just amazing. So well written and so perfectly in tune to both Dick and Logan.
Dick’s not a complicated guy. Logan’s known this for years and accepted him anyway. Liked him that way even. Dick’s shallow but he’s always been a straight shooter about it. But in the last 48 hours, Dick’s become a lot more complex.
This line pretty much sums up the whole story and I truly loved it. Because I love Dick and his friendship with Logan…and I love that Logan tries to be there for his friend.
dancinbutterfly.1) Big Shoulders - Studio 60, Matt/Danny
Overall this was a great story. It was set up nicely, flowing easily from start to end.
I highly enjoyed the look at the history of Matt and Danny’s friendship. How they met and moved on to projects together, always as a team, and how that in the end, that was how they had to deal with Danny’s addiction, as a team. I loved that Matt was willing to walk away from his best friend, the person he counted on most to rescue him, in order to save Danny from himself in the long run and that when that didn’t work, he did what had to be done. It suits the character well. Matt always comes across as quite laid back for the most part, but he also would do anything for the people he loves.
I also loved the Matt voice in this story and the emotion that the reader watches him go through as he tries his hardest to get Danny better.
His mind took some very selfish and morbid directions while he waited to hear if his best friend was ever going to wake up from the overdose he’d worked himself into. He wondered if he’d stop being able to be funny if he had to go in and hear the good doctors tell him that Danny was dead. He wondered if he’d get to keep some of Danny’s stuff or if his mom would come and box everything up and take it all away so it would be like Danny had never even existed in his life.
This just seems so perfectly Matt. That he worries about these things and then feels guilty about worrying about them and it’s a vicious cycle.
Seriously, enjoyed the Matt voice here, especially the tangents with why he wanted to talk to Danny and the ways he learned firsthand about the court system. It just fit him perfectly.
A few areas to work on:
-The Matt/Danny more than friendship thing seems to come out of the blue. While I’m all for it because, hotness, and when it does appear, it seems natural, I think a little bit of Matt dealing with those emotions somewhere earlier in the fic would have added a little resonance to it.
It was all horribly cliché, a little too When Harry Met Sally, for them to be kissing in the first moments of the new year, Matt’s arms wrapped tight around Danny’s big shoulders with Auld Lang Syne in the background. But as they tripped backwards onto the couch, Danny looking and feeling healthier than he had all last year, Matt decided that he could live with a cliché or two.
While I understand at this point, it was probably about wrapping the story up, there is something to be said for showing the reader, rather than telling us. It would’ve only taken a little bit more and would’ve been much more fulfilling if we saw this play out rather than just read it all lumped up together.
-And finally, and this is probably just me, I personally find it really hard to read stories on a background like this one of black with blue writing. I had to highlight the whole thing to read it properly. Normally, this might keep me from even bothering with a story.
That said. I really enjoyed this story and I’m glad to have stumbled upon it.
2) PDA - The O.C., Seth/Ryan
While I love the schmoop a whole lot, I was a bit wary of this story when it started. Mostly because I have a lot of trouble believing that Ryan is a PDA sort of person, but I quickly managed to get over that because it’s just so wonderful and fluffy. And funny.
“Son, of course I still love you.” Sandy said sharply, looking horrified that Seth would even dare to dream that his love wasn't unconditional. “I will always love you. You could become a transsexual republican Muslim woman and I’d still love you. I’d be confused by the republican thing but that’s your choice. Just like this is your choice.” Sandy sighed and Ryan held his breath. “Do you boys know what you’re doing?”
My co-workers may have looked at me like I had grown another head when I started giggling at this part. I just love the Sandy voice here. It’s so great. I love the look he shoots Seth too because I believe that Sandy would honestly think he’d done something wrong if Seth ever worried about their relationship.
I also loved this part: Ryan brought up their joined hands and pressed his lips against Seth’s before speaking. “You think I’d come out to your mom if I didn’t love you?”
This makes it much easier for me to buy the whole PDA thing. Just that one line of dialogue. Because it’s so true of Ryan. He wouldn’t have just done something like this, especially not with Seth of all people, if he wasn’t sure of his own feelings.
And I can’t say I don’t love Seth’s surprise, even though I think he truly does know.
The only real issue I have with this story is that it could’ve used someone who could do a line-by-line beta. There are some typos and tense shifts that took me out of the moment a few times and they are simple things that would probably be caught with some help.
Overall, it was nothing too jarring and I’m really all about the Seth/Ryan fluff, so I was still able to enjoy this story.
3) Prom Night - The O.C., Seth/Ryan
This was so cute and fluffy. I loved it. And I loved Ryan acting on impulse and then Seth questioning him. My only complaint is that it ended right when things were getting interesting.
4) Broken Pieces - Veronica Mars, Dick/Logan
This is just amazing. So well written and so perfectly in tune to both Dick and Logan.
Dick’s not a complicated guy. Logan’s known this for years and accepted him anyway. Liked him that way even. Dick’s shallow but he’s always been a straight shooter about it. But in the last 48 hours, Dick’s become a lot more complex.
This line pretty much sums up the whole story and I truly loved it. Because I love Dick and his friendship with Logan…and I love that Logan tries to be there for his friend.
