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tommygirlTitle: Opposing Emotions
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
storydivagirl
Fandom: Roswell
Summary: Maria post breakup with Michael, thinking about all her opposing emotions.
A/N: Written for Word Challenge # 68 at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
15minuteficlets so it is unbeta'd and sort of open-ended.
Word # 68 = capricious
**
Feelings were a capricious sort of thing, Maria decided, as she drove down the main road of town. She had been trying to remind herself of her plans, those goals she made long before Michael and the others came into her life and everything changed. She had been repeating it the entire drive. So far, it wasn’t going as well as she had hoped.
She missed Michael. His stubbornness, his ineptitude involving anything of the romance variety, his ability to fight with her better than anyone else. She missed everything about him…but at the same time, she was glad to be apart from him. Ready to welcome in a part of her life where he wasn’t the center of it, where she could move on.
She wasn’t sure it made any sense. Was she really so fickle that one day she could be madly in love with Michael and picturing a lifetime with him only to break things off the next day? Did other people’s emotions conflict and betray them the way hers appeared to?
She sighed, turning up the radio, hoping to block all the thoughts from her head. It was too confusing, too much for her liking. Liz was the deep thinker of the two of them. Maria had always been the go-with-the-flow one of the bunch; the one, who despite lots of complaining and dramatic breakdowns, decided her life was infinitely more interesting because of the Czechoslovakians.
Well, until Alex died because of Tess and her stupid pact with Kivar. That was probably the moment things started to change. Not so much with Michael—she depended on him more after Alex’s death—but with the others, with the whole world they had gotten caught up in. She started to realize that she could be next, that this whole thing could lead to her dying young and never accomplishing anything aside from being some alien groupie.
And she did have her own goals. There were things she wanted for herself, like making an album, like seeing the world…like discovering something within herself that made her feel special.
Because things with Michael weren’t cutting it anymore and those feelings she had for him had become tainted with her own lack of success. She loved Michael, but she liked this freedom she suddenly had too. She loved her friends, but she adored this feeling of no alien problems overtaking her every thought.
Even more contradictions…she wondered if this was what growing up was. A series of opposing emotions battling out for the top spot in her mind that led her to do things, to say things, that a small part of her didn’t want proclaimed.
She honked the horn as a couple of kids jumped out in front of the car. She pulled into an open spot in front of the Crashdown. Today was the first day she was going to see Michael post-breakup-or-whatever-you-wanted-to-call-it. She wasn’t sure what would happen in those moments. Would he even acknowledge her existence or would it be back to the way things were that first summer—when she was persona non grata because Michael thought it would be better that way?
When had the wind shifted? When had she become the one pushing him away? She couldn’t decide which the better side to be on was—was there a better side—but she knew that she had made the right choice. She knew that no matter how much she loved Michael, she was only seventeen and she had her whole life in front of her, and unlike Alex, she wanted to have that life. She wanted there to be something aside from alien adventures that mattered.
She stepped out of her car and took a deep breath. She could do this. She had to.
{Fin}
Author:
storydivagirlFandom: Roswell
Summary: Maria post breakup with Michael, thinking about all her opposing emotions.
A/N: Written for Word Challenge # 68 at
15minuteficlets so it is unbeta'd and sort of open-ended.Word # 68 = capricious
**
Feelings were a capricious sort of thing, Maria decided, as she drove down the main road of town. She had been trying to remind herself of her plans, those goals she made long before Michael and the others came into her life and everything changed. She had been repeating it the entire drive. So far, it wasn’t going as well as she had hoped.
She missed Michael. His stubbornness, his ineptitude involving anything of the romance variety, his ability to fight with her better than anyone else. She missed everything about him…but at the same time, she was glad to be apart from him. Ready to welcome in a part of her life where he wasn’t the center of it, where she could move on.
She wasn’t sure it made any sense. Was she really so fickle that one day she could be madly in love with Michael and picturing a lifetime with him only to break things off the next day? Did other people’s emotions conflict and betray them the way hers appeared to?
She sighed, turning up the radio, hoping to block all the thoughts from her head. It was too confusing, too much for her liking. Liz was the deep thinker of the two of them. Maria had always been the go-with-the-flow one of the bunch; the one, who despite lots of complaining and dramatic breakdowns, decided her life was infinitely more interesting because of the Czechoslovakians.
Well, until Alex died because of Tess and her stupid pact with Kivar. That was probably the moment things started to change. Not so much with Michael—she depended on him more after Alex’s death—but with the others, with the whole world they had gotten caught up in. She started to realize that she could be next, that this whole thing could lead to her dying young and never accomplishing anything aside from being some alien groupie.
And she did have her own goals. There were things she wanted for herself, like making an album, like seeing the world…like discovering something within herself that made her feel special.
Because things with Michael weren’t cutting it anymore and those feelings she had for him had become tainted with her own lack of success. She loved Michael, but she liked this freedom she suddenly had too. She loved her friends, but she adored this feeling of no alien problems overtaking her every thought.
Even more contradictions…she wondered if this was what growing up was. A series of opposing emotions battling out for the top spot in her mind that led her to do things, to say things, that a small part of her didn’t want proclaimed.
She honked the horn as a couple of kids jumped out in front of the car. She pulled into an open spot in front of the Crashdown. Today was the first day she was going to see Michael post-breakup-or-whatever-you-wanted-to-call-it. She wasn’t sure what would happen in those moments. Would he even acknowledge her existence or would it be back to the way things were that first summer—when she was persona non grata because Michael thought it would be better that way?
When had the wind shifted? When had she become the one pushing him away? She couldn’t decide which the better side to be on was—was there a better side—but she knew that she had made the right choice. She knew that no matter how much she loved Michael, she was only seventeen and she had her whole life in front of her, and unlike Alex, she wanted to have that life. She wanted there to be something aside from alien adventures that mattered.
She stepped out of her car and took a deep breath. She could do this. She had to.
{Fin}
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Date: 2004-08-17 10:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-17 12:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-17 02:37 pm (UTC)