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tommygirlSam was getting more annoyed by the second. It had been three hours since the doctor had put the cast on his arm and promised that more news would come soon. There was still no word on Dean or if they had been able to get his father out of the car in one piece. There was no ease in the pain radiating in Sam’s stomach as the demon’s words repeated over and over in his head.
“We’ve been over this, young man. If you don’t stay in bed and get some rest, the doctor said to sedate you,” the nurse stated. She motioned to the bed and then proceeded to check his blood pressure and fiddle with his IV. She shook her head and said, “You’re not helping anyone by harming yourself. You need to take it easy.”
Sam nodded. He was proud of himself for not screaming at the old lady and demanding some information on his family. After all, Sam knew that the demon was still out there, still after them. The demon could take the form of anyone at any given time. The demon could possess the surgeon in charge of saving Dean’s life and then what?
How was Sam supposed to breathe and take it easy when he didn’t know what to do?
Sam shut his eyes to try and calm himself down. It wasn’t until he woke up and noticed his father asleep in the bed next to him that he realized the nurse had drugged him. Normally, sleep like that was a welcome change, a nice dreamless sleep, but not when he was waiting for news on his brother’s life. Not when his family needed him to step up and be the protector for once.
Sam stood up on wobbly legs – definitely drugged – and made his way to the nurse’s desk. He was met with a stern glare as the older woman stood up and tsked at him.
“We’ve been over this.”
“How’s my brother? Please. I just need to know if he’s okay.”
“He survived the surgery. That was the first big hurdle.”
“And now?”
“Now he needs to survive the next twenty-four hours. If he avoids infection and wakes up, the doctors are hopeful he’ll make a full recovery,” the nurse replied. She motioned to his room and said, “I planned to tell both you and your father that in the morning, after you got a good night’s sleep.”
“Can I see him?”
“In the morning.”
“But…”
“If there is any change at all, I promise I’ll wake you up, okay?”
Sam nodded. He was still sleepy and everything was a bit hazy. He really could use the sleep. He knew he was going to need it in order to take care of everything for the coming weeks.
Sam tumbled back into his bed and fell back to sleep. He was going to have to find out what this stuff was and get a hold of it for later. Dreamless sleeps were nice.
Until they weren’t so dreamless.
Sam awoke with a start, as arm pinned him down to the bed. He stopped struggling only when he recognized the nurse’s voice trying to calm him and the sounds of his father’s yells in the background. Sam inhaled as much oxygen as he could and breathed out, “I’m fine.”
“Try to take a few more deep breaths,” the nurse ordered.
Sam did as she said and when she was satisfied that he was okay, she gave a sharp look in John’s direction and stepped out of the room.
“Sammy, are you okay?”
“Dad…”
“You were screaming and shaking. I can’t move my legs so I had to call for the nurse,” John replied. He glanced at the ceiling and asked, “Was it the demon?”
“Yes…no…it was all a jumble of things. Everything that’s happened in the last year and…in the dream…Dean died.”
John sucked in a breath and asked, “Was it a vision?”
“No, a nightmare. As far as I can tell,” Sam replied. He ran his hands over his face and said, “I hope it’s a nightmare.”
“Me too.”
“What about you? Are you okay?” Sam asked. For the first time since he woke up, he noticed that both his father’s legs were in slings and that there was a huge bandage over his right eye.
“I’ve been better, but I’ll survive. How’s your arm?”
“Fine. The doctor was amazed that the worst of my injuries was a broken wrist. Your side took the brunt of the hit.”
“This isn’t your fault, Sammy.”
Sometimes Sam forgot how well his father knew him. Sam was used to this sort of thing with Dean, but it had been so long since he was alone with his father that he sometimes failed to remember the simplest things about him.
“It’s not your fault,” John repeated.
“This demon is after me, dad. He said so. He said that mom, Jess, maybe Dean…they all died because they were close to me.”
“Demons like to emotionally manipulate people. It’s what they thrive on.”
“You know it was telling the truth.”
John shut his eyes and said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Sam wasn’t in the mood to argue. He was still tired and worn out and worried sick about Dean. This fight, the truth of what it meant for anyone who bothered to care about him, would have to wait.
“You and your brother. You’re a good team. You trust each other.”
“Yeah.”
“You didn’t hesitate to believe him when he said that I was possessed. That’s good. I was worried about how things would be between you two when I heard you were back on the road with him,” John said.
Sam nodded. “It was a little weird at first in some ways and in other ways it was like nothing changed. Dean was really good about taking care of me and giving me space when he thought I needed it.” Sam glanced at the door and added quietly, “Dean’s really good about a lot of things and I never tell him that.”
“Sammy…”
“He thinks we don’t love him or need him. He thinks we’re both going to leave him. And how do we fix that when we’ve both already abandoned him?” Sam asked. He didn’t really expect his father to have an answer. He brushed his hand over his face again, when the scratchy sensation returned to his eyes, and added, “What if he doesn’t fight hard enough because he doesn’t think we care?”
“Sam, no matter what that demon said, or whether not your brother believed any of it, Dean’s a fighter. He has been since the day he was born,” John’s voice trailed off. His father focused his gaze on the window and, after a few seconds, said, “Did you know he was really sick when he was a baby?”
“No.”
“He was only a couple of months old and god, it scared the hell out of your mother and me. We spent a week at the hospital with the doctors running all these tests, not knowing what was wrong. Then suddenly, he was okay. He just stopped being sick. It was the damnedest thing. I remember your mother and I sat with him and he held on so tight to my finger, like he was saying, ‘Don’t worry, Dad. I’m not going anywhere.’ He had quite a grip, your brother.”
Sam laughed and said, “Did you ever tell Dean about that?”
“Nah, he was only a few months old, and I hadn’t really thought about it myself until tonight.”
The nurse appeared in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, and said, “I figured you two still might be up. I thought you’d like to know that Dean woke up for a few minutes. His vitals are strong and he seems aware of what’s going on around him.”
Sam almost jumped out of bed and kissed the nurse, but he was pretty sure she wouldn’t like that much. He settled for a huge smile in his father’s direction and asked, “When can we see him?”
“In the morning. They’re going to run some tests first thing and then you’ll be permitted to visit with him…one at a time.”
“But he’s gonna be okay?”
“His doctors have all been saying that he’s a tough cookie, so I think he’s going to be okay,” the nurse replied with a smile before walking away.
“Thank you. And thank his doctors please,” Sam called out. Sam glanced at their father and said, “You were right. He’s going to make it.”
“Good.”
“Dad…are we okay?”
“We’re fine, son.”
“Because you were really pissed at me in the car.”
“I was more pissed at myself. The things that demon did and said to your brother, using me to do it. I should’ve been prepared for a situation like that to arise. Thank God your brother figured it out when he did.”
“Dad, we both need to talk to Dean about some of that crap the demon spewed at him, but he loves you.”
“I don’t know if that’s the best idea, Sam.”
“He’s not going to blame you. If anything, he’s going to blame himself.”
“That’s not the point.”
Sam sighed. It was always one step forward, two steps back with his father. He forced his gaze on his father, keeping his voice calm, and said, “He needs to hear that you love him, that the demon was wrong…and he needs to hear it from you whether either of you likes it or not.”
“What Dean needs, what we all need, is to get rid of that god damn demon once and for all.”
“Dad…”
“It’s not going to stop killing, Sam. And it’s not going to stop coming after us.”
“I know, but we need some time to recuperate, especially Dean. He’s not going to be able to soldier through this injury like all the rest. He’ll need rest and no hunting for a few months,” Sam replied. He nodded to where John’s legs rested in the slings and added, “And I’m pretty sure you’re not going anywhere until then either.”
“That’s why I called Missouri as soon as they brought me in here. I’m sending you boys to stay with her once you’re released from the hospital.”
“What about you?”
“It’s too risky for all of us to be together in one place right now. I’ll keep moving around like I’ve been doing this past year. Maybe if I keep moving, it will keep the son of a bitch away from you boys.”
“Dad, you can’t leave again.”
John smiled and said, “I’ll stick around until I know all the arrangements have been made, but the sooner I leave the better off you and Dean will be.”
Sam shook his head. Logically, his father made sense. He and Dean were good at watching each other’s backs and his father was good at disappearing on his own. Those facts didn’t make his father’s decision easier to swallow, especially when he imagined Dean’s face at hearing the news. Sam sighed. “You need to tell Dean yourself.”
“I know.”
“No disappearing on him like you did a year ago.”
“Sammy, I know.”
“I’m serious, Dad. The demon’s messed his head up enough. I’m not going to let you add to the problem.”
John chuckled. “You’re a good brother.”
“I learned from the best.”
“We’ll work everything out over the next couple of days. First, let’s get Dean back. Then we’ll deal with the rest of it as we need to.”
Sam wanted to press his father for a little more, like a blood oath that he wouldn’t disappear without a word, but Sam knew his father better than that. Just because John Winchester had been uncharacteristically open throughout the night didn’t mean that he still wasn’t a stubborn ass who didn’t listen to a word anyone else said.
And his father was right about one thing. All that mattered was getting Dean back on his feet and making it clear how important he was to them. If there was one thing Sam had learned from this whole situation, it was that he couldn’t do this without his brother.
{Fin}
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