Here I Am

Like most of the livejournal community, I must admit that I got sucked into the story by charlottelennox that gave a thorough (if not one-sided) examination of much wankage of the past in the Harry Potter fandom.

The account is hardly impartial toward what seems to be one group of the fandom, whether that was due to author's omission or an inability to get any information from the other side, I don't know. But overall, I think it's an interesting read and look at a segment of time within fandom, as well as proving what it sets out to - that a certain person within the Harry Potter fandom successfully hijacked it and aided in turning numerous things into huge ordeals. I think it also sets out to show that BNFs, especially of the Harry Potter fandom, were considered in such high esteem (even if only within their own ranks) that it was impossible to believe that one of them was inciting all these problems, despite alleged proof being provided. I don’t know about that – as I’d like to think it was more a case of “why would my friend do that sort of thing to me?” mentalities – but I found it interesting that proof was ignored for some time.

So that’s been my past few days. Not writing, but reading all ten chapters of the story and thinking, “Wow. It's nice to read about a sociopath working her magic throughout one fandom whenever she got bored enough.” I feel quite badly for her "friends" who were duped, but more than anything, I found myself asking "Why?" over and over. Why would anyone do this? Why did it matter to this person so much to be a part of the "BNF clique" that's mentioned? Why go to such extremes for something that's supposed to be fun?

In fairness, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about any of this outside of what I just read. I'm a peripheral sort of participant in the Harry Potter fandom and always have been. Actually, that pretty much sums up my fandom participation in general - I do my own thing, read what I like, ignore what I don't, and try not to get caught up in drama...and if I make some great friends along the way, all the better. I don’t know the people discussed in this story and I don’t really know much about most of the wanks that occurred. I simply find it intriguing the lengths at which some people will go to become a “BNF” and/or achieve notoriety.

I guess the closest I’ve ever come to dealing with BNFs was back when I was heavily involved in the Nsync fandom. I was never a BNF, but I knew some of them, and some of the crap that went on was...bizarre. And there were a few of them that seemed to attract so much ire, maybe deservingly/maybe not, that it could take over the entire fandom for days. Even then, I never understood the appeal of such things, but I can imagine how in a bigger fandom like Harry Potter things could quickly move from amusing wank to insanity. And that intrigues me.

I have no real interest in the outcomes of those involved (whether defending them or arguing that they are evil incarnate), as much as trying to figure out the appeal of undertaking such activities. What type of person does this sort of thing? A sociopath? Someone with a lot of time on his/her hands? Is your own life that lacking? I mean, I hardly have the most exciting personal life, but I guess it keeps me busy enough that I don't go around starting up drama on the Internet.

And what is it about the idea of popularity on the Internet and Livejournal that is so appealing to everyone? Is it like a different form of high school for some – a way to be included in the “in crowd”?

It’s all so baffling to me. And maybe it’s because I’ve been through it in real life. I was a horrible bitch in my early high school career. God, I hated myself half the time, all in the name of popularity. And it just got to the point where I wondered, “What’s the point? What am I really gaining from this?” And I was much happier once I didn’t bother with getting caught up in all the drama and crap that went on. So, is that what this is – people working out their own issues with what constitutes friends versus friends because of who I am/who I could be?

There are plenty of meta pieces and such on popular fandom writers versus BNFs and whether the two are linked. I can say that as a writer, I’d always love more feedback. It’s a wonderful thing for a writer. It lets us know that people are reading and hopefully enjoying what is being written. It shouldn't be the only motivation for writing, but I’m a firm believer that most of us write to share our work with others. Otherwise, no one else would ever see it.

But how does one go from desiring more readers and going about normal avenues of pimping to desiring constant attention and the sort of love/hate relationships the Internet seems to have with BNFs? How does one decide that turning fandom into a hateful place for so many people is the way to achieve one’s own fame?

I wish I knew. Instead, all I can do is shake my head and move on, because I'm afraid we'll never really have the answers to those questions.

On those less busy days at my office, I like to attempt to get caught up on all the meta going on within fandoms. I find it all very intriguing and this time is no different. It seems the big hoopla recently has been about the idea of fanfiction as some sort of threat to authorial intent and how anyone who writes fanfiction (myself included) is less than a real writer.

( Because it goes on for a bit... )

So there is a lot of discussion going around in various fandoms on the het versus slash and real person fic (RPF).

penknife wrote up a wonderful breakdown that everyone should read on the whole het/slash debate.

And basically, those same sorts of things can apply to the real person fic debate. I don't understand the need for certain writers to put other writers in fandom down for using real people in their stories. Most stories have a summary or a cut-tag and you don't have to click on it if you're not so inclined. It's rather a simple process:

Me - (looking at friends list) wow...so and so has written Jared Padelecki/Chad Michael Murray Fic. Not my cup of tea.

(moves right along)

Please note that I don't go on to read it and then send comments/feedback that basically go on about the evils that are RPF/RPS nor do I get confused at how such a thing could dare to show up on my friends list.

I personally enjoy RPF/RPS. I started getting involved in fandom via Nsync fanfics and it's something I enjoy. I've always made it quite clear, as well as all other authors I stumbled upon who weren't psychopathic trolls, that it was all fiction, as in a figment of my bloody imagination written out to share with whoever was interested. Never did I force people against their will to read (well, unless you were my sister).

The first argument always seems to be it's much easier to write or not as creative. Obviously, this argument is made by people who've never even read a RPF story. Because, as someone who has written both RPF and regular fanfiction based on shows/movies/books, I can tell you that both are equally as hard. And that I never claim that my take on the personality is completely accurate - it's FICTION. I take liberties the same way others take liberties with plotlines in their fandom universes - the goal is just to make it believable to the reader.

The second argument seems to be something even more illogical as a reason. People who call RPF bad writing simply because of who it's about is on par with saying that those who write slash are superior to those who write het. (i.e. not true) You're going to stumble upon bad writing no matter what genre or type you choose to peruse in fandom. It's the way things go.

But bad does not equate with "not my cup of tea." Let me repeat - your preferences does not automatically mean that something is awful or poorly written. There are certain types of fics that I'm not interested in so I don't write them and I don't read them. I make no assumptions about the writer's ability - I simply keep going on with my day in my happy place.

So why is this something that continually comes up? Is it because certain people only feel good about themselves when they hide behind the security of their computer to bash someone else's personal preferences? Like those people that we've all worked with at some point in our lives, who measure their greatness by forcing other people into roles of failure?

Whatever the answer my philosophy will always be this. Fandom is for fun. Read and write what you want and ignore what you want. No need to point out in your journal how those who do this or that are lesser than you. it just makes you seem like an asshole.

so vampirefever posted a question regarding feedback such as when do you leave feedback. It got me to thinking about my own tendencies to leave feedback as well as how one responds to the feedback that they receive.

I guess it doesn't hurt that this conversation came up about a week after I had an anonymous poster write to me "This was weird" with no further information or way to contact them. My mind was already on the topic of feedback and constructive criticism and the likes.

When Do I leave Feedback?

I'd like to say that I always leave solid reviews/feedback of every story that I read, but that would be a bold face lie. I just don't have that sort of time to devote to such critical reading and a lot of the time, I don't believe that most writers are looking for that sort of critical reading of fanfiction.

I do try to leave some sort of note to every author of a story that I enjoy. As a writer, I always relate to the plight of the author and the hope for feedback on each piece that they work on. I'm a firm believer that no matter what might be said to the contrary, all authors, on some level, are seeking out some sort of response from his/her audience. Why would it be published where others could read it if they didn't want some sort of reaction? Because of that, I attempt to make sure that I say something about each story that I read. It might not be anything more than "great piece" but I feel like I should do that for the author after what they've produced for me.

That said, I'll admit that the best feedback I offer is to people I'm friends with or have developed an author/reader rapport with over time. I find that the better I know someone the more comfortable I am giving detailed feedback because they won't immediately view it as a flame if I dare to dislike a piece of a story. I rarely will provide someone with constructive criticism (whether they ask for it or not) if I don't know them in some way aside from this story.

When Don't I Leave Feedback?

Yeah, if I can't think of anything nice to say, I don't say anything. Usually, if I start a bad story, I don't make it to the end. I'm very picky and that's time/patience I don't have.

How Do I Feel About the Feedback I Receive?

I love to receive feedback on my stories. Something as small as great story to a nice in-depth review of a piece. I adore constructive criticism because writing is what I do, it's what i'd like to one day make a living at, and I need those sorts of opinions from people to proceed. I can pretty much take anything a person throws at me and work with it, as long as I know what they're talking about.

Take for example this recent "It was weird" feedback I received. That doesn't provide me with any help. I don't know what to make of something like that. All it does is drive me crazy, leading me to re-read the story several times looking for what this person could possibly mean. A reader has a very different relationship with a piece that I wrote than I do. There are things that I simply know about the situation and my characters and because of that - it's quite possible I forgot to actually make it clear.

But how can I clarify it if I don't know what the it is?

And the whole anonymous posting/emails is just...if you can't say something to someone and allow them to talk to you about it, well, I don't know if you're deserving of my time or I should value your opinion. Is that fair? Maybe not, but I don't think it's fair to post something without putting your name to it.

Do I respond to all my feedback?

No, I don't. I read all of it. Save all of it. And I try to respond to as many emails/comments/etc that I can, but I just run out of time in the day at points.

I always respond if someone poses a question to me, someone provides an insightful review of things, or if someone does offer me some constructive criticism that I want to pick his/her brain about. I appreciate every email that I get and know that it took someone some amount of time to write and send...but I focus on those first.

It's also more because I don't always know what to say when someone writes "Great story" aside from "thank you." Does the reader even want a response at that point? Does the reader have something more that they want me to respond with? I never know - so I put those emails off to last and sometimes they go unanswered.

All in all, it's an interesting thing to see how each person responds to providing and receiving feedback from people. I love it all and therefore think that all other writers share my love of it - hence the reason, I'll always try to write something to let someone know I read her story.

**

So, I got my first writing question:

So, what comes first? The character or the plot? Why?

This is like the chicken or the egg story, isn't it? There could be an argument for each side of it and what it comes down to, in my humble opinion, is your inspiration.

For myself, I can tell you that it's always about character. I'm a character writer and most of my stories deal more with his/her own arc than a nifty plot. That's not to say I don't think plot is important and necessary, but I find that once I can get into my character's head, the story has a tendency to move more than it would with me forcing journeys. I think character voice is probably the most important thing to a story because it's the character that has to experience your plot, it's the character that has to have some sort of climax that results in something chaning in the character. If you don't know your character, the rest fails because of it. I can always work the plot out later as I go, fix the flaws in that, but I find that if I'm not sure of my character, the whole thing falls apart.

It's Tuesday at work. Dreamweaver is giving me a headache and I have much work-related web stuff to do, so I thought, "Go to livejournal and go crazy."

Much better than going blind from making pop-ups against my will (I hate pop-ups, but cannot convince my bosses that others hate them as much as I...ugh!)

Anyway, a bunch of stuff from a rambling on writing to some memes going around.

epicyclical posted the following question: So, for you writer-people: When did you start writing? Have you always written? Why do you do it - do you want to be a professional writer, or do you prefer to write fanfic or just write for yourself? Inquiring minds...

( if my long winded response doesn't signify that I'm a writer, then I don't know what else does )

**

So I did the “month you were born meme” and it’s weird how accurate it is in some respects.

( August says that I’m like… )

**

I would do the DVDs I own meme that’s going around except for the fact that I own way, way, way too many DVDs and that’s a lot to read. So I’ll do the TV shows on DVD I own, which is enough in and of itself.

( TV shows on DVD that I own )

**

And finally...

( The political what I’ll do if so and so wins meme… )

By now pretty much everyone has heard about the Anne Rice likeohmigod how can you not like my stuff response to negative reviews she gets on Amazon.

Wow, to have one's own head stuck so far up their ass. It's impressive. It's nice to know that once you reach a certain level of fame in publishing the general rules don't apply to you and crap is allowed. It explains so much.

I've read Anne Rice too. I've enjoyed some of the stories, but I've always had a problem with her overuse of prose/description for things like stone tables and then BAM dialogue for a page that its jarring and never explained. Now it makes sense.

That's all I'll say though because many people have already said it better than I could. But it does make me think of certain "I write for myself and don't care what other people think and don't need betas because I'm prolific and magnificent" writers in fandoms.

**

I'm once again procrastinating on two ficathon pieces that need completion. Ficathons will be the death of me, but it's like I can't stop myself. Some of them are interesting ideas and I think, "Just this last one...it won't hurt anyone." Until I'm ripping out my hair by its roots on the due date wondering why I didn't pay attention to the deadline sooner.

In fairness though, I'm like that with any and all deadlines I ever get.

**

So much writing to do, so little time...and here I am, updating livejournal. I guess I should get to work. Evil muses might hurt me otherwise.

But first,

[Poll #354784]

**

Okay for real. Going. Writing. Or pretending to write while I ponder my own lack of discipline. Maybe I'll do one of the prompts from quillandink.

There have been a few interesting conversations occuring regarding aspects of fandom and fanfiction writing, sparked in part by musesfool and her post on what she finds tacky in fandom.

It got me to thinking about the feedback portion in particular. I'm one of those writers who wants feedback--not just the "great story" (though I will take that willingly), but some constructive ideas of what works and what doesn't--and I realize, to a large extent, almost every writer does want feedback. I have no qualms about asking for it from my readers. I believe that writing is one of those careers or hobbies that requires interaction with your audience. You write for an audience. Yes, it's true. You have to want to write and enjoy the characters/storyline, but when people say things like, "I write for myself" I cringe. If you were writing solely for your own amusement, it wouldn't necessitate posting it on the Internet where others could see it. No, writers post their material to find out if it accomplishes what it set out to do--varying often in nature, but almost always hoping to at least be compelling--and the only one who can offer that information is the reader.

That said. It's a tricky balancing act. We all want feedback and I see nothing wrong with asking for it, but on the same hand, I hate needy writers. The needy writer is never satisfied unless their ego is constantly stroked chapter after chapter. They only like positive feedback, tend to constantly question their own works in order to seek out more praise, and often are the type that hold stories hostage to fulfill some sort of weird lacking in their lives. While I willingly accept and ask for feedback, I do not hold it over the head of the audience in general. I do not have demands on the type of feedback I receive--only accepting the positive responses and not taking into consideration anything derogatory--or the quantity that must find its way to my email inbox before I update again. I can't believe the gall of some writers, especially since it appears in most cases to be the bad writers, who make such demands on their readers. While no writer on the web, writes merely for herself, a writer shouldn't be writing to simply expound on what he/she thinks everyone wants.

I find that when I see a story, no matter how good it appears to be, if I see a line like, "If I don't receive at least ten comments on this, I'll stop updating," I stop reading. If the only thing that keeps your chapter going is the reader, maybe it's time not to post it. I know every writer goes through this phase, especially in fanfiction, where you've worked really hard on a piece and then...nothing. No one responds at all for what feels like an eternity and you wonder, "Was it terrible and no one wants to tell me? Has anyone even read it? What the hell is going on?" I've been there plenty of times...but I don't know. Maybe I lack that inherent trait that should tell me to stop posting the remainder of the story, but I do anyway.

It's such a tricky thing to get around. Is there an invisible line in the sand that states when a person has crossed over from the natural I-want-feedback reaction to the crazy feedback-or-else behavior? I wish I knew...but I recognize it when I see it.

**

I signed up for my first Ficathon ever. I usually don't do challenges/ficathons with deadlines because I have enough of those with my regular writing to make and fanfiction for me is more a relaxer. I understand the pull of them. A lot of the times, the challenges are very interesting and good way to force yourself to pull something out of yourself. If I had more time, I might even find myself involved more often, but I don't...so I tend to avoid them.

But I decided to give it a try. One story can't be that bad and the rules give us a month to complete the thing. I can do it and it should be interesting. I've never written in this specific fandom before and I want to give it a try.

**

With that long ramble and meaningless diatribe, I'm off to finish out the remainder of my work day (Twenty minutes! whoop, whoop) and then I get to see Michael Buble in concert in Philly. Gotta love hot boys who soulfully croon to you as their eyes lock on yours.